Wednesday, December 4, 2013

They Aren't Welcome Here

I know some of you are  knee deep in your Elf on the shelf antics and dreaming up of crazy ideas that this mischievous guy or girl can do to get a rise out of your kids. I will start off by telling you that this is not the place to come, to get these ideas and plots for these elves.

First off, have you seen how genuinely creepy those faces are? I say give the elf a butcher knife with  and you have horror stories in the making.

The Bearded Iris

I understand this has been a huge success in households all over the world, but certainly not in this one. I am sure it is fun for you, but really, who wants to strategically place a DOLL at a crime scene, or make messes at night, that YOU have to clean up? That's some psychiatric material right there. "I didn't do it, it was the elf" uh huh, and dolls come to life..... Straight jacket for you! You might as well invite Chucky to play with your kids. He might be more effective.

I know many just do it for fun, but I have read so many status updates with people talking about how horrible their kids were acting and they should straighten up in X amount of days when the elf arrives..... Geez people! Why not a good old fashioned spanking, grounding, or punishment for their behavior instead of counting down the days when this creeper can show his or her face again to straighten them out. What DO you people do the rest of the year?

The premise of a tattle tale elf is just extreme for me, especially when some actually thinks he or she makes their children behave better because they report to the big guy every night.  Snitches get stitches. Just sayin'

Then we have the commercialization of Christmas that there are so many complaints about, so you are adding to the commercialization you loathe by adding this evil elf into your home. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it? Is the magic of Christmas and celebration of Christ not enough?  Do Santa and God not do enough to keep kids honest, so you obtain an object that magically makes them behave? Oh, I know! These elves MUST be enchanted. (refer back to the straight jacket)

I am already torn on the entire Santa thing because I feel bad lying to my child. So let's throw an elf in there, and make the guilt ten times worse!  That's an excellent idea.

I have reasoned with myself with the whole "Santa" thing because he is the magic of Christmas and I don't remember being shattered by finding out he wasn't real (except when I asked my Mother if he was real, and she lied and denied, denied, denied, but that's beside the point here). I do remember as soon as I knew it was a sham, that the magic and wonderment was gone. It is all about childhood memories and the hopes and joy the season brings, right?

Another thing, do you know my child? If you do not, she is the queen of pranks, and our own little comedian. Anything for a laugh with this girl. Could you imagine what she could possibly make this elf do in the years to come?

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Last but not least, I have a hard enough time keeping up with what I already have going on. I know, that I would forget to move this elf, and of course, if he/she/it didn't move, that could only mean the dog is dead!

You can get this shirt here

Maybe I just don't get the premise behind this "Elf" idea because the only elf I know is Buddy. He is the only one that really matters anyway, right? I mean, who doesn't start the season without ELF (the real one)?

Not by placing creepy stalkers in your home.



  1. I always thought I was missing something because I'm Jewish because I never understood this trend. I think they are creepy as hell and would never let one in my house. Glad to know I'm not the only one and it's not just because I don't do Christmas!

  2. oh lord, i hate elf on the shelf and now you have just doubled the hatred.